In Harry's shoes
by Little Prince Dragon
Summary: Harry sat alone on his bed, he looked the wet spot on the sheet, it is official now-he is attracted to them: boys.
1. wet night

Harry sat alone on his bed, he looked the wet spot on the sheet, it is official now-he is attracted to them.

Boys.

It was a subtle discovery.

A hug from a fellow team member; an innocent smile now and then from the captain Oliver; and of course, the occasional nights that he sneaked into his best friend's bed because of the nightmares.

It was an evolving feeling that grew over the past year.

But what does a 12-year-old know about feelings!? Harry tried to convince himself. However, apparently feelings have a way of creeping in at night and become vivid dreams.

Maybe it was Harry's fault, he shouldn't have repeatedly allowed himself to feel that way, maybe it was their fault, all the boys who showed him affection!

Or maybe his fat uncle had it right, I'm a freak!

No longer could he deny it, nor the wet spot on the sheet.

"You look awful you know Harry" Said Hermione at breakfast.

"Morning Herm," Harry knew he felt shit didn't know he looked it too.

"So you've done your paper then?" Asked the curly hair.

"yeah" he said.

Hermione frowned, something's wrong. "What it is?"

Harry peered at Hermione over his glasses.

"I can help if you tell me," she said, but Harry kept quiet.

Harry pushed his breakfast around and said finally "you can't help me, not with this. Can we change the subject?"

Hermione looked worried for a moment but decided to oblige, for the meantime."Fine, next week is your birthday,"

"oh no, I don't want to have a- " Harry paused, remembering last time they had this discussion " I still don't want to do anything…"

"Nothing? Oh Harry! It will be on the Saturday, we should go to Hogsmeade, at least. Leave it to me, I'll organize it then" Hermione flashed a smile and said "You're growing!" and watched Harry flush.


	2. Birthday

Harry and Hermione arrival at Hogsmeade on the following Saturday.

Its street wasn't as festive as Harry remembered from his last visit, and the sky's cloudy.

Hermione was in a better mood than Harry, she talked from one magically enhanced window display to another.

Harry walked beside her thinking how much he wishes Ron's here to roll eyes with. Ron's absence did nothing but expand a dull feeling pending in Harry's stomach.

Hermione cheerfully lead them to the front door of The Three Broomstick, where Harry hesitated but went in, despite of fretting they will be cast off for being underage.

He was soon proved wrong when a smiling Hermione came back with two mugs of butter beer.

"Don't worry," catching the birthday boy's expression, Hermione passed a mug to Harry "these aren't alcoholic, a little charm I used, and they should taste exactly the same- " a sip and a moment later, a proud smile confirmed that it tasted as good as the real thing.

Though Harry was stunned by her capability to get these beer, not if it's alcoholic.

After all Hermione does what she does best - 'everything Ron and I didn't' Harry thought as he sipped his butter beer like the good little boy he was.

Harry and Hermione sat in a corner. It was a quiet afternoon for a saturday at The Three Broomstick.

Soon they ordered food and more butter beer, and some more food which in return made Harry strangely happier now that his stomach is full.

"I'm glad I wasn't spending my birthday at Hogwarts in the dorm under a blanket, thanks." he said.

Hermione took out a small gift from her pocket, "Anytime birthday boy! From me and Ron."

Harry took the gift, surprised, shaking it slightly next to his ear " what it is"

"It's your present."

Harry rolled his eyes. He carefully unwrapped the present. It was a slim box wrapped in white gift paper and tied with a cream color ribbon.

Harry held his breath when he saw what lay under the wrapping paper – a beautiful, petite wooden box that seemed a hundred years old yet remained unblemished and impeccable.

"whoa, thanks Hermione, but… what it is?"

"If you read the card first, you'd know - it's the Truth Box" she explained "Tells everything you need to know about yourself, or related to you, you just need to want to know the answer enough for the box to open"

Harry closed his eyes as he held the box in his palm, the next moment it opened itself and inside it was small piece of paper, Harry read it in fascination and suddenly burst out laughing.

Hermione took the little piece of paper, it read:

'Hermione Granger had The Truth Box for a week, she couldn't open the box'

"Harry!" she protested.

Harry merely looked guilty "why couldn't you open it?"

"I don't know, but I do think what I ask wasn't concerning me or I didn't want to know enough- " Hermione stopped and hit Harry's head slightly as she saw the boy closed his eyes and thought of an other question.

The box opened again. This time, it read:

'Hermione Granger asked what was bothering Harry Potter last week at breakfast'

Harry again closed his eyes but this time the box stayed closed.

"What did you ask now?" Hermione asked shaking her head in disapproval.

Harry held the box tightly but nothing happened.

"I don't know if this is a right present for you," said Hermione as she snatched the box in one quick motion, "I thought this might help you since you said I couldn't last time, and Ron's not back from summer break - " But before Hermione could finish, the box opened in her hands.

Slightly taken back as the box has never opened for her, Hermione read the piece of paper inside:

'Harry Potter asked who is Hermione Granger's crush'

Harry watched Hermione's face went very intense for a moment, and turned bright "I know how this box works now!"

Harry looked confused upon the statement.

"Don't you see? I took it from you when I really wanted to know what you were asking, and it showed me instead because what you asked concerned me, _only_." Hermione glare at Harry shortly "No wonder Ron said it is a restrict possession in some country, for example in America. You see, this way who ever is in possession of the box can learn anything of anyone as long as it concern he or she who holds it. For example I can ask anything about you as long as I make it about me, like what think of me, what your plans are towards me, what you have done to me......"

Hermione was lost in thought.

"In America? Do they have wizards in America?"

Hermione rolled her eyes, "You really ought to read more about things outside the realm of The Daily Prophet."

"Something like the Magazine you get owl to every fortnight?" Harry teased.

Hermione flush a little "Its not everything I read you know, and you'd be surprise to know that not only they are wizard in America, but they are very talented too"

"Okay, fine, I will read it sometime. But let's go to Honeydukes before it closes, I want some Chocoballs and Liquorice wand!"

* * *

Summer Holiday is nearly reaching its end, but Harry's new discovery has only just began.

Harry was grateful as the realization took place when he isn't at the Dursley's, as well for Hermione's company since Ron has gone with his father to visit Charlie Weasley in Romania.

At first he was upset his best mate wasn't going to spend holiday break with him.

Now he could only thank whatever goodness out there that Ron isn't actually here.

Harry held the slim wooden box in his palm asked in silence, 'What will Ron say if I tell him I am - '

But he stopped himself, 'tell him I am … What?'

Harry closed his eyes and asked the box, as well as himself, 'Am I, gay?'

The box didn't respond. Harry shake the box slightly in frustration.

He remembered Hermione told him the question has to be about him, as well as he needs to want to know the answer enough for it to respond.

Harry sighed, though it was more a long and defeated exhale. He is, after all, still afraid to know for sure if he is in fact, um…… or not.

And then he realized, he has yet to manage to say that word, let alone dealing with what the word means.

The next day, knowing that students who were away are returning in the afternoon, Harry went to the library early.

While feverishly hoping Ron couldn't see any difference in him, Harry spend most morning searching, only to find little information about what he wanted to know:

"

_"Homosexuality,__ the term given to romantic or sexual attraction among members of the same sex. Homosexuality is found in both the __Muggle__ and __Wizarding worlds__, and attitudes towards homosexuals are generally the same in both societies. In the __Wizarding world__, prejudice against others generally comes in the form of one's __blood status__. Because of this, Wizards who are homosexual generally suffer less persecution from their society."_

_"_

Harry flipped to the next page but that was all there is.

'Maybe this is a mistake,' he thought. 'so I'm attracted to, they who wear pants. But what does it mean?'

Feeling slightly uneasy, he closed the dusty thick book.

'Doesn't matter what the term means, I should found out if I fit the term first?' thought Harry, nodding to himself in the empty library.

At noon the sun was almost burning on the way to Hagrid's hut, Harry could feel the warmth under his school robe.

Harry hesitated but took off the robe as he reasoned that no one's around, and most of the students are still not back.

Underneath the robe he wore his old ragged shirt that he often wears at the Dursley's, and a pair of torn jeans.

He walked in those clothes through the castle, feeling exceptionally smaller than usual.

"Fang, get off 'im" cried Hagrid, Harry's half giant friend " 'arry! Nice ter see yeh, Fang 'ere missed yeh too. Come in 'arry."

"Thanks Hagrid"

Once inside, Hagrid fidgeted around organizing nothing.

Harry noticed that every time he and Hagrid haven't seen each other for a while, Hagrid always tend to get a little awkward at first.

Harry cherish this fact especially for he tends to do the same thing with some of his friends too.

Soon enough, Harry is sipping tea from a large cup, whilst Hagrid is talking about his summer at the mountains and the adventures, as well as the 'pets' he now thinks he owns.

It suddenly strike Harry how much Hagrid reminded him of himself, and possibly why he always have liked Hagrid so much.

'We are both different.' Harry thought to himself that while Hagrid shows it in a physical way and probably in his choice of hobbies and interests in dangerous 'pets';

Harry's different manifest from within.

The scar isn't what make him different, he has always thought, but what it symbolizes did.

Harry often wonder exactly what it symbolized. Is it survival? Is it the love of his parents? Or the boy-who-lived, hero-to-be story, fighting against the dark Lord?

Harry has yet to figure out what it means, but a lot of the decision seemed to have been made already.

"Hagrid," Harry interrupted his friend's story.

"'Yeh?"

Harry didn't know what he wanted to asked, or say, blinking his eyes many times, he finally blurted out: "I feel very different, Hagrid"

Hagrid also blinked.

"d..do you feel that, sometimes?"

Hagrid thought for a little and reply "I suppose," he said " but I just 'ought that ev'rybody was differen, differ'n than me, and, so tha's 'kay, I suppose.."

Hagrid looked meaningful, and shrugged.

Harry processed what Hagrid has just said and laughed.

"That's right, Hagrid. They are different than you. _They_ are."

Harry left his giant friend feeling much better.

Things are not as bad as he thought after all, he hoped.


End file.
